Hello, my name is Gino and I am an alcoholic.
These are words that no one ever foresees themselves saying when they are younger. In AA they tell us that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. My trouble was, even though I admitted to my drinking problem a lot of years ago, I just chose to ignore it , and thus, there we see the power of addiction. I drank all the time. When I woke up in the morning my body would let me know when to pour that first drink (which was usually before I brushed my teeth). And it would also tell me when I should quit in the evening and that is when I'd pass out .
I was a very functional alcoholic. If you would have met me years ago you would have never known that I had a drinking problem . But if you would have caught me on one of my rare sober moments you would have noticed that something wasn't right about me. I blocked my family and friends out and chose to be a loner because I was the only person I could get along with. My feelings grew numb. If you really wanted to upset me all you had to do was ask me to get some help. The mere thought of trying to quit drinking just scared me to death.....literally! Why pray & ask God for help ? This was way beyond Gods repair. He could never in a million years make this right. This was my life and this was a done deal. There again , the mentality of an addiction. I was the only person that understood what was going on inside me .....well, me and the devil .
I drank myself further & further into a hole. Satan was doing his happy dance . In my last weeks I drank more than any human being should be able to endure without dying. I gave up on eating because the craving for alcohol was my only desire. I laid in bed and got to the point where I couldn't even get up to perform bodily functions. It was pretty gross even if I try to sugar coat it. My body was starting to shut down. I finally hit rock bottom and now I was trying to crawl under the rock.
PastorChuck once told me that going through this nightmare has given me empathy, but it took me a while to understand what he meant. I wish there was a way to explain to you what was going on inside of me and what I felt during this time , but it is so very difficult to describe. I wish I could tell you what it feels like, wanting to live, but choosing to die, because death seems like a better choice . I wish I could describe to you what truly hitting rock bottom really feels like because it's at that point that most people do not return. There's only one word that comes to mind. Hopelessness! A hopelessness so intense that your mind just can't handle it.
Like I said, I never asked God for help because, one, I couldn't imagine anyone having that kind of power to get me outta this and two, I had zero faith in God. This whole ordeal put a different, genuine kind of fear in me that I've never had before and that is that death is so very final . And I was not prepared. Final! You don't get to try it out first to see if you'll like it . There are no last minute warnings that tell you "Heh, this is your last chance to think about this God thing, maybe you ought to give it a try" ?
Did you ever watch a spider descending downward out of nowhere and it almost seems like it is floating in midair because you can't see that tiny little thin line that is holding his life? I have a strong feeling that not so long ago, that was me hanging over the pits of hell, hanging by a thread , hanging on to dear life completely unaware that in a millisecond my soul would have met eternal damnation.
I consider myself a very lucky man. I didn't ask God for help, I never prayed. But luckily for me, I had family & friends who did. It is only through their prayers and my Heavenly Father's love for me that you are hearing my testimony today. It's the only thing that makes sense to me and believe me, I thought about this alot. I should be dead right now. Three different doctors told me that. I drank so much hard liquor in a short time that I had 3rd degree burns down my whole esophagus . The doctors ask my wife if I had drank Drano or Clorox. And when I came out of a two week,induced coma, no one knew how much brain damage I might have .
So how else can I explain being here today. I can't. Why did God save me when I had contributed nothing to him , or this world. I am beginning to realize that my God was not finished with me, that he in his perfect timing saved me and is making me a new person with totally new desires and love for Him, His Word and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
And I can without a doubt tell you this. I could probably give you fifty reasons why I shouldn't physically be standing here talking with you today. But I can give only one reason why I am.
Because of my past and who I am today , I think there are those who pose the question in their heads,
"Is he for real or is he just trying to get attention?" "Did he really change , just because you study the Bible doesn't mean you really found him and just because you go to chuch doesn't mean you really know him".
A man named A. W. Tozer wrote , "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us ". Nothing defines a soul more than what that soul believes about God. And no outward observer can know what is in the soul of that person. The most important thing about us is truly only known & defined by the owner of the soul and the one who created it. Everyone else only sees what we want them to see. Nothing is more important than what we believe about God.
I now cherish every moment of my life and every morning I wake, instead of being sick from a hangover , I celebrate and thank God for letting me do this all over again day after day.
And to my dear family, I will never be able to express to you the sorrow that is in my heart for what I have put you through for so many years. Forgiveness is not easy, I know that, and forgetting is impossible, but please try to look at me as a humble man who is trying to make amends.
Hello again , my name is Gino and I am a child of God.
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