Take Me As I Am

Jan 17, 2016

Hello my friends

I thought of this today and decided to write it down. I call it TAKE ME AS I AM

My heart beats for a purpose now.

The reasons unadorned.

But there's a countdown to the beats.

Beginning when we're born.

They say things happen for a cause.

Some we can't comprehend.

We try forgetting ones that hurt.

But keep them till the end.

Why do things turn out like they do ?

Who has control of fate ?

And if we have predestined lives.

What plots do 'we' create ?

I know that Jesus holds the key.

To matters yet to come.

Free will, will let us choose our path.

But know "thy will be done".

It's hard to put faith in a God.

That you can't hear or see.

What's harder is convincing those.

Who say it cannot be.

If I could live one hundred years.

To talk to God each day.

I'd pray for yet one hundred more.

I have so much to say.

In my lifetime I have sinned.

I've done some good as well.

In time I hope to make amends.

For deeds I will not tell.

Sometimes I think "what made me change".

Was this in God's big plan ?

My prior life was such a waste.

Now, take me as I am.

I walk this world a simple man.

A man of little worth.

But then again I'm pretty rich.

With treasures not of earth.

Dear Lord I live my life for you.

And when it's meant to be.

Don't hesitate to bring me home.

I give you all of me.

Gino

My New Addiction

Jan. 13, 2016

They say "Today is the first day of the rest of your life ". That makes so much sense because it is the truth in the simplest way you can put it.

We recently saw the new year come in but do you know what?  Every day of our lives is the beginning of a new year and every morning we wake is the start of a new life. I know that is how I see it these days anyway.

I thank you so much dear Lord, not just for a new beginning today , but for everyday you give me the opportunity to celebrate life. I am also so, so very grateful that you gave me a chance to tell you this Jesus, but I really don't deserve your grace after all these years of ignoring you and abusing this life you have created .

I did the math and figured out that my drinking began when I was 17 years old and ended when it almost killed me at the age of 57. That's 40 years! I don't have great knowledge of the Bible but I know that 40 year spans seem to be the time frame for hardships and suffering , and challenging the endurance of  mankind's  love & faith for God , back in the day.

But today we face similar challenges and it is even more difficult for people to believe and have faith in God. I  was guilty of this for a long time. I didn't need God in my life. I had my bottle! That  was my pleasure, it was my passion, it was all I wanted and after a while it was the only thing I needed. Literally!  I've tried to explain to my pastor how I felt when I was at the peak of my alcohol addiction and what it feels like to hit rock bottom.

It is hard to tell somebody else the feelings of complete, intense hopelessness and despair.  I mean I didn't want to die, it just seemed like a better option than living. What a horrible, hellish place to be in. The devil had me in his clutches and I was hanging by a thread over the kingdom of darkness.

Then God pulled me in away from the devil's  grip and saved me. Now I can stand face to face with Satan whenever  he tempts me and let him know that I now live for Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior and have no time for his evil games because  I fear him no longer. 

Last night was so great learning about the Bible . It is what fulfills me now and I just want more & more.

It is my new addiction.  It is a new year. It is the start of a new life. It is something very good. Last year my next door neighbor asked me to go to ALPHA  (the first time ) and I believe that was the beginning of God's plan.

My pastor told me once that he was like a pipe carrying water from a well, the well being the Holy Spirit and the water being God's Word.  In that case I would like to fill my cup , and when that gets full,  pour the cup into a jug, and when it's full pour the jug into a barrel, and when barrel after barrel get full pour them into a swimming pool. Now, when the pools starts to overflow with knowledge and love I guess there is nothing else to do except dive in. 

God bless you!

Gino 

My Testimony

                                              

Hello, my name is Gino and I am an alcoholic. 

These are words that no one ever foresees themselves saying when they are younger. In AA they tell us that admitting you have a problem is the  first step to recovery. My trouble was, even though I admitted to my  drinking problem a lot of years ago,  I just chose to ignore it , and thus, there we see the power of addiction. I drank all the time. When I woke up in the morning my  body would let me  know when to pour that first drink (which was usually before I brushed my teeth). And it would also tell me when I should quit  in the evening and that is when I'd pass out .

 I  was a very functional alcoholic. If you would have met me years ago you would have never known that I had a drinking problem . But if you would have caught  me on  one of my rare sober moments you would have noticed that something wasn't right about me. I blocked my family and friends out and chose to be a loner because I was the only person I could get along with. My feelings grew numb. If you really wanted to upset me  all you had to do was ask me to get some help. The mere thought of trying to quit drinking just scared me to death.....literally!   Why pray & ask God for help ?  This was way beyond Gods repair. He could never in a million years make this right. This was my life and this was a done deal. There again , the mentality  of an addiction.  I was the only person that understood what was going on inside me .....well, me and the devil .

 I drank myself further & further into a hole. Satan was doing his happy dance . In my last weeks I drank more than any human being should be able to endure without dying. I gave up on eating because the craving for alcohol was my only desire. I laid in bed and got to the point where I couldn't even get up to perform bodily functions. It was pretty gross even if I try to sugar coat it.  My body was starting to shut  down. I finally hit rock bottom and now I was trying to crawl under the rock.

 PastorChuck once told me that going through this nightmare has given me empathy, but it took me a while to understand what he meant. I wish there was a way to explain to you what was going on inside of me and what I felt during this time , but it is so very difficult to describe. I wish I could tell you what it feels like, wanting to live, but choosing  to die,  because death seems like a better choice . I wish I could describe to you what truly hitting rock bottom really feels like because it's at that point that most people do not return. There's only one word that comes to mind. Hopelessness! A hopelessness so intense that your mind just can't handle it.

 Like I said, I never asked God for help because, one, I couldn't imagine anyone having that kind of power to get me outta this and two, I had zero faith in God. This whole ordeal put a different, genuine kind of  fear in me that I've never had before  and that is that death is so very final  . And I was not prepared. Final! You don't get to try it out first to see if you'll  like it . There are no last minute  warnings that tell you "Heh, this is your last chance to think about this God thing, maybe you ought to give it a try" ?  

Did you ever watch a spider  descending downward out of nowhere  and it almost seems like it is floating in midair  because you can't see that tiny little thin line  that is holding his life? I have a strong feeling that not so long ago, that was me hanging over the pits of hell, hanging by a thread , hanging on to dear life completely unaware that in a  millisecond  my soul would  have met eternal damnation.

 I consider myself a very lucky man. I didn't ask God for help, I never prayed.  But luckily for me, I had family & friends who did. It is only through their prayers and my Heavenly Father's love for me that you are hearing my testimony today. It's the only thing that makes sense to me and believe me, I thought about this alot. I  should be dead right now. Three different doctors told me that. I  drank so much hard liquor in a short time that I had 3rd degree burns down my whole esophagus . The doctors ask my wife if I had drank Drano or Clorox. And when I came out of a two week,induced coma, no one knew how much brain damage I might have .

 So how else can I explain being here today. I can't. Why did God save me when I had contributed nothing to him , or this world. I am beginning to realize that my God was not finished with me, that he in his perfect timing saved me  and is making me a new person with totally new desires and love for Him, His Word and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

And I can without a doubt tell you this. I could probably give you  fifty reasons why I shouldn't physically be standing here talking with you today. But I can give only one reason  why I am. 
Because of my past and who I am today , I think there are those who pose the question in their heads, 
"Is he for real or is he just trying to get attention?"  "Did he really change , just because you study the Bible doesn't mean you really found him and just because you go to chuch doesn't mean you really know him".

A man named A. W. Tozer wrote , "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us ". Nothing defines a soul more than what that soul believes about God. And no outward observer can know what is in the soul of that  person. The most important thing about us is truly only known & defined by the owner of the soul and the one who created it. Everyone else only sees what we want them to see. Nothing is more important than what we believe about God.

I now cherish every moment of my life and every morning I wake, instead  of being sick from a hangover , I  celebrate and thank God for letting me do this all over again day after day.
And to my dear family, I will never be able to express to you the sorrow that is in my heart for what I have put you through for so many years. Forgiveness is not easy, I know that, and forgetting is impossible, but please try to look at me as a humble man who is trying to make amends.

Hello again , my name is Gino and I am a child of God.