June 18, 2016
Have you heard about the lonesome loser? That was me. A loner by nature but a loser by choice.
Why by choice? I chose to ignore God all my life just like I chose to pick up that bottle and drink. The trouble was that I didn't want to put the bottle down until it got to the point where I couldn't put it down. Oh, I wanted to, so very badly, believe me, but the addiction is so magnetic that the consequences of death seem more appealing than quitting.
That is an alcoholics and a user's mentality anyway. We don't want to die, and we know that what we are doing is eventually going to kill us, but we can't quit. So, when one dies of an overdose or drinks himself to death would that be called an intentional suicide or accidental? Like playing Russian roulette . The player doesn't want to die but he knows that if he keeps going his luck is eventually going to run out.
Do you really think that I wanted to keep drinking all of those miserable , wasted years?
Do you really think that a drug addict wants to keep using every day? No ! but it scares us to death when someone even mentions to us about quitting or getting help, because in our minds there can't be any help, and if there was , we are to far gone by now anyway. Yes, I was to scared to quit. I've been using alcohol as a crutch for so long that I didn't think I could ever walk again without it.
Why didn't I pray for help you might ask? Because God could never subdue my urge to drink. This was beyond miracles or anything under God's power. I have been drinking almost 40 years and for my final encore I tried to drink more than a human being could ever endure in a week . I laid in bed, past out, laying in my own puke, urine and feces and that is no exaggeration. Now how could God possibly have anything up his sleeve of tricks to get me out of this one?
I'm not going to give you some kind of miraculous speech of how God spoke to me or how I saw the light and got down on my knees and begged for mercy . Nor am I going to say that when I was in a coma for two weeks that I had envisioned something supernatural or had majestic dreams , because they never happened.
What I am going to tell you is that after that took place, I am able to stand here , one and a half years later without a drink and tell you that this should have never happened . This just doesn't add up. I should be dead, and if there was a slight chance that I did somehow survive, then I should have some kind of physical or brain damage. What I also can say to you is that three amazing things have happened to me since then and I never thought that in my lifetime I'd be saying what I am about to say.
Number one. I know that I am going to heaven.
Number two. I know that Jesus died for my sins and I now have a personal relationship with God .
Number three. I don't drink or even have a desire to drink anymore.
If I can say this then one day so can you.
I am nobody special . I am just an ordinary child of God like you.
Gino
